"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe
This one is to all of you who do…
There isn't much I can tell you about today, apart from what it means to me. Today, a rainy Tuesday in October, the usual annoying and grey things that happen on an early autumn day happened: the same problems at work; the same problems at home. But today has made every bit of difference to me. One year ago my mind evaporated and I followed closely, I became an empty shell, my world started to dissipate, loosely kept together by the wonderful people who refused to leave my life.
Not many people are as open or as honest about their past as they should be, I find that I must. If I don't I ignore those things that have changed me, made me. On this day one year ago I was speeding down the slide of my mania at an impossible speed, common sense and self love were just but a blur as I sped past them. At the end of the slide I found myself in a dark pit, deeper than any other before, so dark I didn't even know who I was let alone where I was. The crash inevitably left a mess in my life. Friends and family had to wrap themselves around me to keep me together, to keep me alive. That mess I am still, a year on, trying to clean up. I am forever grateful to those who held me on those difficult days, and to those who since have helped me build myself back up. But most of all, today, I am grateful to my tears, they have constantly reminded me that if I can still feel I can still breathe, and if I can still breathe I can still live. Nothing in life is irreversible, other than death. I've seen far too much of it this year: lost lives, lost loves, lost souls. I thought it was morbid of me to toast to this rather unusual anniversary but it is not, I am not toasting to the 5th October 2009, I am toasting to every single day since, every tear and every smile. I am toasting to my stubbornness, to my desire to see today come. A year ago I found out how weak I was, but every day since I have found how strong I really am, and how strong I stand today. Thank you!
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