The safety of solitude

Loss is a part of life that we simply cannot avoid, and yet it is one that overcome us. I have spent years mourning the loss of someone I love, the problem is I do not know if I have lost him at all... Uncertainty can be grief's worst enemy. I could grieve the loss of my best friend if I knew he was gone, but I don't. I could go through the stages and "get through it" but I can't because he may still come back. 

For the past two years he has been on my mind every single day, every hour. I go to sleep and I wish him home, every single night. He is my best friend, the one who always "got" me, his absence has created a hole in my soul. I ache everyday, I don't know how to cope with this absence. Two years on and I still can't. 

I pull away from people because I never want to feel that kind of loss again. I never want to lose someone like I lost him. So it is better to stand alone than covered in wounds of grief.

I have lost too much and too many people to risk being there again. Alone is better. Alone is safer