Steps on broken ground

I've been letting go of the world lately,

It is becoming too heavy for my shoulders to carry

The meds do their thing until they don't

And then I am all alone in such a lonely room

Weeks bouncing off the walls all by myself

I broke my mind, I broke my body, I broke my friends

Weeks drowning in misery all by myself

My mind disappeared, so did my friends.

Once again I am all alone, 

Like I have always been. 

This madness, this monster of mine

Love it, hate it, makes me, destroys me

Karma, I deserve it. Maybe. I do. 

And then the sounds come and I am alive

The cold is meaningless

I can dance, and I can feel. 

My heart is cold but my skin is not

I am alive, I am alone, I am mad

But living is better than not

This in-between living is not good

Love given, too much lost

This self lost too many times

But what is the point of living?

Too many steps taken on broken ground

Too many promises given 

A future gone

Death became real far too soon

Loss is in my heart everyday

Letting go is not easy

The ticking of the clock persists
Like a watchful eye to every choice
It reminds me of dreamed success
And then the mirror looks back in failure
Judgmental as always

The becoming has become such a hardship
I am never there; never final
And the frustration envelops me

I miss what kept me anchored to the world

Now it is all just an illusion

I wish I could feel as much

But I walk on air, I feel nothing

I feel all