A Door

The earth below, beneath the concrete and the blood, is the only one that bears witness to the hollow steps I now take. I tell no one, I walk down these crowded streets, telling stories, smiling at strangers, hoping the next step I take leads me down a path of no return, hoping that all the wasted years calculating and planning disappear with the next gust of wind, hoping all that was written before me is no more. Pain has left me, the same as sleep. My only companion today is this song playing in my head, such a delicate balance, boundaries crossed, outcomes unknown. I can feel the thin membranes erupting in delight. The wicked have awoken, only the sorrows have now left. It was you all along, you feeble ghost, the culprit, the one behind all the mischief. Gracefully depart, I have laid waste to your hiding places, and to some of the beautiful corners too, but the slate is now clean and my spine is ablaze.

Healing scars in my mind, self-inflicted wounds no longer bleeding unrequested meaning to the words I speak. The road to sanity is paved with infinite temptations, watch me play Russian-roulette with my mind. That once solid connection between my heart and my head was ripped apart, my insides torn, and the gaping whole smiling back in its emptiness. Nothing left in its place, no connection, just this silly little game I play with myself, pulling at all the tendons, finding the weak links and see what breaks next. Some damage can never be repaired, all the crumbling patchwork at my feet is all the proof I need, sometimes it is necessary to open that scary little door in your head, the one ignored, forgotten. I am fascinated by mine, its peephole grants me fleeting glimpses of a pulsating world. Maybe today I will open it...