To say I
don’t miss you would be a blatant lie, and a stupid one. I do, you were my best
friend, we stood shoulder to shoulder against those who sought to bring us
down, and we still managed to look fabulous in time for cocktails (cock and
tails). You came into my life at a time when I needed someone more than I could
give back, and unfortunately I cannot help but think that maybe that is why all
my attempts at reconnecting have failed. I will not deny the horrible things I
said, and the many goodbyes I uttered. They are sketched on my soul,
permanently.
I know I
have issues with alcohol, I know I should not drink with my medication, I know
that drinking leads to saying things I really do not mean. I have lost much, I
know. It is not true that drunks always tell the truth, some drunks will lie to
hurt, not because they want to hurt that person. The hurt is not directed
outwards, it is inevitably an inwards damage. You hurt those who love you most,
you hurt them until they can’t be there and then you are proven right. Your
insane paranoia becomes true… The loneliness wraps itself quite nicely.
I am
forever sorry for the pain I have caused you, for the many nights you spent
worried. It must not be easy to be my friend. I know I was a burden to you and
I imagine your life has significantly improved in my absence, but today I want
to tell you I miss you and I love you, and I wish you achieve everything you
set your eyes on, because if there is one person who deserves it, that is you!.
With Love,
Carolina
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