A brave step to the unknown

It comes and goes; the sadness takes over for a moment and the tears I was holding back come flooding through. And the next moment comes and I look up to the sea and think of how incredibly lucky I am right now. I have been given a chance that not many get. I can dream again, with fresh eyes and nothing holding me back. I’ve realised I do not need much to find myself content. No love, no job, no ties, just me and my dreams. I have challenged myself beyond what I thought was possible, fears are no longer obstacles, just tests that life has placed in front of me, and I finally have the strength and determination to see the fear through and let it pass. More will come, that I do not doubt, but like with these ones that had paralysed me for so long, I will get the courage to face them.

I am now standing where it all begins, where the things I thought I needed to survive are no longer there and I am still alive, stronger than ever. The starting point of a new future. A while back I thought my life was set and that there was nothing else for me to do but live it. I found someone who would take care of me, I had a job that paid the bills, I thought I was happy, I thought that was it, all I needed was right there. And one by one they dissipated, I was left empty handed, and oh so sad. The first fear came too quickly through my window; I was broken and felt unprepared to stand against it. I was alone, I had been abandoned, nothing was safe anymore. From my knees I fought, I said no, I stood up, I gave it all another try. I did what had to be done, and went to the other side of the world. I was not sure of what I was looking for, as the world I had built came crashing down, another was being built in my mind. This new world was strange to me, full with unknowns and doubts.

This empty world I am now filling with new possibilities and quiet prayers. I now know nothing is impossible, nothing is beyond my reach, nothing can stop me. I am thinking maybe it is time I change scenery so I can write new stories, and populate my world with different words. Not words of regret and grey days, but words of dreams and sun. My life has taken an unexpected turn, all the things I thought I couldn’t do without: high heels, straight hair, my love, I have let go of and all I need is this screen, the sand beneath my toes and music in my ears. My moods are quiet, simple and resting in my mind. I am becoming someone different, so far from whom I had attempted to built, miles away from what I had defined myself as, closer to who I am supposed to be. It took the devastation of my fallen world, and a brave step to the unknown to find this happiness. I do not want to go back to my home, but I must. But I am coming back stronger, braver, happier than I have ever been. Ready to face my biggest fear: goodbyes.