Greek

Quietly, when the world has gone to sleep, when I have done all the wrongs and fixed all the rights,just before the drugs take over, before my mind slips away, I remember. And suddenly I am too awake, too in control, and then I realise how real all of this is. I have learned to hide the weakness in me, to cry in private, to ignore the turmoil. I know these walls are made of sand, and I am Penelope, building them up in darkness to watch them disintegrate in my absence. They will never know, nobody can see the change, they don't know I'm scared.

There are nights I wish I had succeeded, lately too many for my liking, but we all have our bad days don't we? But I did not succeed, and I kept the promises I made, and now I have made new ones. And I feel so exhausted.Expecting some payout for failing and instead I get some more of the same, just like Midas, everything I touch turns to...

And so finally sleep takes over, and I hope I will forget all the mistakes I've made, all I have to do is keep one foot in front of the other, that way until my grave. I will not have what I want by virtue of who I am, but who I am I cannot change, and thus I need to live without what I want, and make do with what is there.I will be the clown, and I will make a pastime out of tragedy, and I will learn that dreaming is for fools, and I will forget...