The heart repair shop

 

Tears are running out, perhaps with them I will be able to let go. There is only so much I can take; there is only so much love I can give. My broken heart cannot take it anymore. I feel cold, and I feel tired, I have done all I can and it was never enough. I feel I should be getting a loyalty card at the heart repair shop, I keep bringing it over in pieces, each time less willing, with the promise it won't be broken again. I can't get a new one, they have no guarantees and I have not treated mine very well, I give it out too easily, and I lend it out uninsured. No wonder my heart doesn't like me very much.

Fittingly enough my IPod started playing Al Green's How Can You Mend A Broken Heart, I agree, no one told me about this sorrow, but I will keep the sun shining and the rain falling down. I will do it because I have no other option but carrying on, because I am not only my broken heart, it was whole to begin with, I wasn't born with a broken one. And I am also my mind, and my body, and my intellect, and my writing. I am much more than a broken heart. I use to smile and laugh, and plan a life and a future; I might be crying now, and the smile might have left my face but I still have my life, and with it my future, so eventually, in time, the smiles and the laughter will join me again. I will stop smoking and I will dream of multiplying myself again. I will one day wake up and my heart won't feel responsible for my happiness and then I will be complete. The day will come when today will be a memory, and these tears I shed will have lost their meaning. But for now they keep falling and with each one of them I drown, and I swim in the sorrow, but that is just for now, I know that much. These sad eyes will one day be bright again.

For now all the familiar places are filled with nostalgia, and the memories are clouded with sadness. For now I will cry for a while, and miss the love. For now I will let my broken heart sing to me and tell me stories of better days. But that is just for now. There will be new places and new memories, and new love. For now I will cry with my broken heart in the hope that with the tears it will heal a little.