So it is summer once again

So it is summer in London town again. People flock to the parks in their lunch breaks. Such a British thing to do, it seems we are so sun deprived any chance of sunlight is treated like precious gift that ought to be cherished and abused. I must say, in that aspect I have become truly English. It is quite ironic, when I go home to Colombia I don’t really chase the sun like I should, and in fact I embrace my paleness. Bizarre.

Anyways, I am laying in the park with a summery dress and relaxing like all the other Londoners. It actually took me a while to find a free space in the park. I just came back from my first interview in 4 years. An interview for a job/internship I really really want. I think I was a mess, I forgot my English and I feel I made a fool out of myself. I haven’t really gone to many interviews in my life, actually this is the second one that actually mattered, the first one was for my place at university. All the other ones were for jobs I really didn’t care about, or could have done without. So as you can imagine my heart wasn’t really in it when I applied for those jobs. However for this one I did a lot of research, bought a brand new outfit, and showed up half an hour early. For those of you who know me or have heard my rants you are probably aware of what led me to being unemployed and looking for internships. I really was very unhappy in my old job, I felt undervalued and underpaid and so after a long time of saying I was going to quit I finally did it. I did it without having another job in line and with little money to survive on. However, at the age of 29 I decided it was time to pursue my dream. I am still not sure of what dream is I just know it involves writing and working for something that matters.

The fact that things matter to me so much, that I am so passionate about certain things in life has cost me relationships, not because my passion got in the way but just because for some people caring about something is just not in their social or intellectual make up. It is a shame, I would have thought sharing a life with someone who gets involved with what happens around her would be a bonus, but apparently it is not. I have come to terms with that, and with the fact that I might have to wait for a long time until someone who wants to be with me just as I am comes along, but that is fine, I have myself to build, a future to work on, dreams to realise.

I am sitting here, on a Tuesday afternoon, enjoying the sun, listening to music, writing and having a smoke, all is well with my world, because even if I don’t get this internship I will work hard to get the next one, and then the next, until I find my place, my centre. I miss the loving and the company, but I had also missed doing this for myself. I have such a busy life right now, and ironically I don’t have a job or a relationship to take up the time, I am busy finishing what I had started a long time, and I had put on hold, I am busy getting well and dreaming again. I am busy loving my world. This sun really just brings out the best in me! I have all fingers crossed.